Thursday, July 14, 2011

Internet.

So my internet has been out, and oh my god, I missed you all sooooo much! Right now i'm at school using their internet, and so writing a post. :) I have a lot to say since I haven't been on here...

My weight as of this morning is 165.6!!! Yes! soon I will be under 165, then in the 150s! I'm so happy about this. I am seriously so excited to loose more. I ate some chicken today...but don't wanna eat anymore. Kinda getting a headache, and for some reason it's harder for me to starve when my head hurts, :( but we'll see. :)

Went to six flags and saw Sick Puppies! :) It was amazing!!! I got an autograph for the guy I like (the one who is 21 and rides bmx) and me and Amber got a picture with Shimon after the show! No one else got pics with any of them cause they were only doing autographs. When the park was closing, I saw him walk past us and I told him they played a great show, and asked for a hug and he gave me a hug. :) then Amber told him about how she couldn't get an autograph earlier because the security people wouldn't let her back in, so he asked if we had pens and we didn't so he toke a pic with us instead! It was awesome.

I really don't wanna stay here much longer. haha. I finished everything I had to do here today. When my internet is back, which should be soon, I will comment on your posts.

And thanks to Camille and Leighton for following me :) I'm so happy you both enjoy my blog so much!

Next time I post I will be under 165.
<3 Toxic

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

In it for the long haul.

Today has been amazing. intake wise. I had a spoonful of seafood salad and a piece of pizza this morning. that's it. maybe...250 cals, idk. I haven't eaten in hours. Won't eat for the rest of the day, which is a long while since I work at 8 until 4am, but I am confident I can do this.

Thank you Jess for keeping me on track today! :)

I biked 8 miles too! still, wish I would've done 10. If I can't sleep when I get home I will bike another 5 or so at 4am. haha that is so early! :D I just didn't want to be too tired for work. also been up since 8am this morning.

I finally got my finical aid stuff all turned in. So now I just have to wait for them to review it so I know how much money I will receive this year. (Hope it's a lot!)  I don't want loans. :(

I haven't weighed myself since Yesterday. I won't weigh myself til this Tuesday, cause I'm afraid if I don't see lots of progress I will get depressed and it will lead to a binge, and we don't want that. no, no not at all! The suspense is killing me however, I keep the scale in my room (I have hard floors) and I keep looking at it.

Yesterday was horrible. I binged like a fat cow. I was so full it was making me sick of myself. So, what did I do? The one thing I promised I'd never do. I puked til I couldn't no more. It was gross and pink cause the seafood salad yesterday and mac and cheese and chicken. Ya, like I said, binged like a cow. I turned on the sink faucet, but mom and friend still heard. My mom asked me all serious "Are you a bulimic or anorexic?" "No!" then my friend said all jokingly "You wouldn't deny it if you didn't have a problem" (Laughed it off) "I'm just sick, the food got to me. I haven't felt good all day, and was sick yesterday too." (lies) "Do you know where the thermometer is? I hope you're not running a fever." My mom being worried. "Nope." Then I sat on the couch watching tv with them and they forgot about it :)
Later I fell asleep on the couch (around 4pm.) She came home and saw me there and told me to go to bed. So I did haha, working these weird hours is fucking up my sleep. She think it was cause I'm sick too. So no more worries. I just need to watch with the constantly calling myself fat in front of her.

I also decided to quit smoking pot. All it does is waste my money and make me get munchies and binge :( so I'm done, at least for a while.

I made a big binder today with all my goals. it's all organised with little things under each goal on how to achieve them, like mini goals :) I will be able to go to Japan this summer if I follow my goal list and save my money. I'm so excited. I miss Japan and all my friends there. My Japanese has gotten a little rusty though. Should be better after a semester in the Spring at my new college. Yep, I'm gonna work on transferring. Which means I must pass all 5 of my classes with excellent grades. Nothing below a B. These goals are also in there.

That's all for now. Just some quick comment replies and thinspo
<3 Toxic

Comments-
@lulu-Yeah, isn't being a redhead great?!?! I love my new red hair!
@Jess-Thanks, I think these past few posts have had the best thinspo on my whole blog. :)
@lottie-No, I really am still in the 170s :( it's sad, but i'm changing it asap. I was doing so good, then binges... I hate this binging problem.

Thinspo!!!!! Some good 'ol thigh gap thinspo! :)