Restricted foods.

I haven't drank pop in like 4 or 5 months. It's great, though I haven't lost weight because of it. grrrr. Anyways I don't plan to drink pop, I'm done. I try to stick to 0 cal drinks too which limits me to tea, water and coffee. But I found these super awesome carbonated waters at Wal-mart. for 69 cents. :) They have like 15 flavors too. I'm going to keep restricting foods that are bad (haha all food is bad) kidding don't listen to me. But ya, No more Nutella cause that is 1. high cal and 2. a binge food. Evil! I won't eat Oreos either for the same reasons. So no more of that crap.

I got a new job! So I have two now. I got a job at my moms doctor's office as a secretary. It's really nice and I enjoy it a lot. Just sucks they get food at the office a lot. Like today we ordered Chili's. Which broke a fast I had going. (14 hours) I wanted to go at least 24 hours....well that just means I had to start again. I had cereal when I got home, so I'm not really sure how long it's been since I ate...I think I ate at 5:30 so I'll say fast started at 6 which means it's only been 3 hours since I ate. No wonder I feel gross... :( I'm not eating anymore tonight, and no breakfast tomorrow. Skipping meals again!

I wanna go get something to drink but don't want to spend money. I need to save every penny so I can go on a trip during the summer. Me and a friend are going to Japan! :D I can't wait! I want to get down under 140 for the trip so I can easily fit in some cute clothes from Japanese shops like Liz Lisa or Ceceil McBee. So ya, I need to lose weight and save money.

Comments-
@Lottie- Thank you! You're always so nice and lovely. :) I bought the bikini. I got a medium which is a little small for me. It will fit when I reach 140 though. That's for sure.

@mylittlebone-Thanks for following me, I like your blog :)

@Megan- I just use my fingers which sucks cause I don't have much of a gag reflex and I have to force it which can really hurt. (I've scratched myself before many times) I hate doing it, and don't recommend it at all. I thought you could still get ipecac but you just had to go to the pharmacy counter and ask for it?

@FightToBeThin- Ugh, tell me about it. Sometimes I feel like I might just break right in front of everyone...I hate it, being so broken on the inside and on the outside no one even sees. The other day my friend said I'm fun to be around cause I'm always happy. If they only knew...

@Cleona- Ya, it sucks cause I'm the older sister and should set a good example. I pray to god that I never trigger or have triggered her. She seems to be somewhat normal, but I do notice she binges daily... she has put on weight too, and I hope she doesn't let it depress her. I know what you mean, It's hard knowing what they are going through, but idk how I could help.

Thinspo time, I kinda have a boney/emaciated/super thin theme going on.

I think I'm gonna finish reading Wintergirls for the second time, then I'm gonna read Unbearable Lightness. I already read Wasted, but are there any other good triggering books about eating disorders or anorexia? Have a lovely day. Thank you all for still following me, I know I don't post as often as I say I will.

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Purge

Its all I can think about right now, I wanna throw up soooo badly. Sucks cause I didn't even binge. Just ate a small slice of cheese cake (like REALLY small) and a small bowl of chili. Its like mia is back to haunt me, smiling and tapping my shoulder all the while I have to sit here and smile and not throw up and pretend to be fine and happy cause I'm at Chad's and he thinks I'm doing soooo much better. Well I am, and then I'm not. I can't let him know its bugging me. Ugh. Run tonight and 100+ crunches. (And like a shit ton of other stuff i'll later decide to do.) then 10 miles minimum on my bike tomorrow morning. No more food and no breakfast. Ya, not the best way, but its what I gotta do. :/

Hope everyone's day is going good. I will comment on comments and add thinspo to my next post. (On my phone now)
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At mommy's work.

<p>Class got out early today. Which is nice. I'm sitting in my moms work, a doctors office, just drank my water and having another cause I just toke a pill slim quick. My mom bought them to lose weight and lets me try em. She's been super nice to me. :/ weird but nice. </p>
<p>She's seriously obsessed with losing weight... (It runs in the family) speaking of running and family, I went running with my sister (my sister who binges all the time) she told me how her boyfriend touched her stomach the other day and she got upset cause he was joking with her and she told him "you know I used to have an eating disorder." I said to her "you were trying to see how he'd react?" Then she went on and told me she seriously wouldn't eat back in middle school (I know for a fact she doesn't like eating infront of people to this day) but I never put 2 and 2 together, I recalled then how thin she used to be. Then it hit me omg she's not kidding, how could I not notice?!</p>
<p>I ran ahead of her, I run faster and have a longer stride. I started to cry, knowing my own food problems and worrying if I might have triggered her ever and thinking on how we both have gone an I still am going through this. I love my sister and I never want her to feel like she isn't allowed to eat ever again.

Well, I ate today and I'm pissed. Not eating anymore tonight.

1 yogurt
Fries
3/4 cheeseburger

FAT ASS! I'm down to 150.6 again. Yay! I breed to be at 148 or lower by Wednesday.

Phone is gonna die so ill end this.
<3 toxic