Monday, February 6, 2012

Some thinspo, comments, ect.

So I ate 4 or 5 cookies for dinner with whole milk :(... not even thinking, I just did it. Now my stomach hurts. I don't know if it's just psychosomatic or if the sugar and stuff is upsetting me, but it hurts and I hate myself for it. It could be worse, I keep telling myself this, but I feel so full I just want to purge. So so so so so so so bad! I really just want to purge and I can't stop thinking about going into the bathroom, turning on all the faucets and doing it. My mom isn't home, Chad's at work, and it would just be toooo easy. My dad just got here but he's clueless and my sis and bro wouldn't think twice. I wish I could just do it, but just thinking about it is making me feel guilty. Like he will just know. He will just know and keep poking and prodding til I tell him when I see him after work tonight. Actually I will see him at work...Fuck I work in 30 mins! Forgot.

Ugh, I need to work out extra hard tonight. Bike ride or run tomorrow too. Fuck this I'm so fat I hate it. I wanna weigh myself by Wednesday, but the scale scares the hell out of me right now. On the other hand what if I lost :) but what if I've gained!?!? Ugh it's terrifying. I hope I'm down. Even if I've maintained, I'd be happy at this point. (I say that now, but if I got on the scale and still was in the 150s, I'd die.)

Well I can finally comment on comments! :D
@Scarlett- Thank you so much, I can't believe it honestly. :) Most the time I think he thinks I'm lying or something for attention or something fucked up. After all I'm too fat to starve. (At least thats what I think when I talk to him about it.)
@lottie_x- Thank you! :) I really am trying, sometimes it's just way too tempting.
@Em- I know right?! Thank you!!!
@lulu- They are the best! Though I like the cutesy/pretty concept of Aerie too. :)

Thinspo time.





Ok, going to work without purging. Why do I feel so disapointed? :(
<3 Toxic

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3 comments:

  1. AnonymousFebruary 6, 2012 at 7:07 PM

    feel proud. working it off is much better AND more effective and getting those calories out of you than purging :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousFebruary 7, 2012 at 5:58 AM

    Hey there, I know how you feel and how it sucks having eaten sugary crap. My body did the same thing when it was adjusting to eating "healthy" Everytime I put food in my mouth that was not healthy my body kept rejecting it. It helped me to avoid the bad food all in all.

    I know you can be strong! So keep your head up! You can do it!

    Cheers!
    Krystle Lane

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousFebruary 7, 2012 at 11:55 AM

    Don't worry, you will be empty again by tomorrow :) and well done for not purging!
    Have fun at work!
    Great thinspo :)
    Lottie x

    ReplyDelete

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