It's not that I did bad over Thanksgiving, I did quite well and didn't binge :) controlled myself. Today is just the big thanksgiving thing with my 2 borthers, boyfriend, and all their friends who skateboard and do bmx. I went to it a little bit ago with my brothers at the skate park, and people are already there/still showing up. I talked to one of my brothers friends and my brothers. My boyfriend is still working til 3:30 then I'm taking him in my car to the park. I came home just now cause I forgot to take my BC pill. Now I'm sitting in my room, and just being depressed. I feel like no one thinks I belong there and I feel like everyone is judging me like hardcore. Idk, I just think it'd be easier/better if I dropped off the food I brought for it, got my bf, toke him then make an excuse that I don't feel good or something and leave.
I feel ugly/fat/gross/weird/like I don't belong/awkward/annoying/stupid/fat/fat/fat/like everyone doesn't like me/is talking behind my back and judging me and thinks Chad is an idiot for being with me/worthless.
Ya, but whether I stay down there or not, I have to bring the food and give Chad a ride. I just wish I could be pretty and fun and liked by everyone. I want to be good enough for everyone. I don't want to be good/great/the best/absolute most perfect. Just good enough and accepted.
My brother just text me. They are starting. I'm heading out so wish me luck....
<3 Toxic
Don't be so harsh on yourself, you are more than good enough and I'm sure no one thinks any of those nasty things about you!
ReplyDeleteLottie x
i love that pic
ReplyDeletefitting in is hard w/a bunch of guys like that dont try 2 hard sweeti im sure they love u !