Completely new perspective. (Response to Lottie's post-'Sorry, another post')

So Lottie posted earlier today, and I just gotta say, this post really impacted me and the way I think about myself and my weight loss. The original post here: http://dreaming-skinny.blogspot.com/2011/06/sorry-another-post.html

I want to thank her again, this has really truly got me motivated and back on track.
Lottie: Your determination, and fresh outlook on your own weight loss has reminded me that the whole reason I lost so much before was because I enjoyed it. I loved the feeling of being empty. The pains in my stomach and loud growling noises it made that had others asking me if I was alright and if I needed to eat. I got a thrill out of lying to people and saying "Sorry I'm not hungry. I just ate a whole bunch at my house." Or taking food into my room and hiding it only to give the whole thing to my dogs later, or to the trash. I never really worried about being alone with food. Binging (though it did happen) was a rare occurrence, and when it did happen I ran happily or worked out until I nearly fainted. Then I'd smile to myself knowing I was getting thinner and the numbers were always lower. Almost every time I stepped on the scale. Lower. I had control.

The past month I've been asking myself "What's happened to me? I'm not losing like I used to." I've known it was because the binges were getting more frequent, and more intense. I've admitted to myself  that yes, I haven't been working out like I used to. But why have I changed my once great habits?

For me this whole losing thing has become less fun. I depress myself to much when that I binge and then get even more upset to the point where I ask myself "What's the point?" It stopped being fun after that younger boy I liked stopped talking to me and got a girlfriend. I then thought that no matter how much I lost I'd never be worth his or any other guys time. At that point I stopped doing this for myself and it became about proving myself worthy of a guy. Lately I've been desperately trying to get a boyfriend. But now I realize that what one guy or a bunch of guys think of me isn't important right now. Losing is what I did to find fulfillment in myself, and that's what it should be about. Me.

I need to start doing this for myself again. I will start doing this for me, because I love the comments from everyone saying I look like I've lost weight, I love seeing lower numbers on the scale, and damn it I LOVE STARVING! I love the feeling of being empty because it is telling me I am changing. I am losing weight. I am becoming a better person.

So from here on out it's about me. I'm putting the binging monster to rest once and for all. Or at least shutting it up for now. Tomorrow is a new day, and for me a much better day. I hope all of you will find happiness and fulfillment in starving, working out, and losing as I plan to. Oh and the boys? They can go fuck themselves for now, then when I weigh 125 pounds they will all think I'm gorgeous and adore me. This is my life and I going to be the one to control it. I make my own decisions and if people don't like what I do fuck them. They can live their lives as they please and I will live mine. And I chose to live my life happy and thin.
<3 Always, Toxic