Just a little late :)

Sorry I didn't post sooner, but its been a very busy day for me.

So my life is becoming more and more stressful everyday. I feel like I'm gonna cave under it all. :(
I was super depressed Thursday night, went for a drive and just cried hysterically til I finally came home. Almost drove to my best guy friend's house cause I needed someone so bad. But didn't.

Friday I talked with him (my best guy friend...guess I'll call him Tom lol his middle name) anyways I asked Tom if he wanted to do something and so we went to see Green Lantern. We talked about having sex. He jokes with me all the time and has tired to get me to fuck him  before. I didn't. oh and i'm actually still a virgin. I just don't like sexual contact. I feel like I'm not good enough, too ugly, disgusting, and don't want someone that close cause they will see all my flaws. Anyways Tom always sleeps in my bed when he stays over, he's kinda like a brother, except I really like him/might damn near love him. Well we came home and went to bed. He started to feel me up and I said no, then we fell asleep. Well I woke up like 30 mins later and toke out my contacts and came back in the room. I really wanted some kind of contact and to feel like someone gave a damn about me and so I started scratching his thigh and he rolled over and kissed me then I said "Can we just mess around and not go all the way?" So then we just went at it. I gave him a bj and he did stuff for me. No actual sex. Then feel asleep with his arms around me. Well...next morning things were as they've always been. We are still friends, but I really don't want to be used by him...he means so much  to me and I couldn't handle/can't handle being nothing to him...

Saturday was pretty boring. Went to Ihop in the morning with my brother and Tom at like 8 in the morning. picked at my food and they weren't suspicious at all, barely ate and had a lemonade cause it just sounded so good. stayed at home and worked out all day. Had the house to myself for like 4 hours. Then went to work and got home at midnight.

Today was a hell of a lot better than I thought It was gonna be. Father's day, so I went to my grandma's house with my sister to see my dad. I hate him btw. He hates me too. Him and my mom are going through a divorce now. It was awkward at first but since my grandparents were there it was better. Dug around in her fridge looking for a safe drink. I HATE LIQUID CALORIES!!!! Finally found some diet lipton tea bottles in the back. :) Ate lunch, my grandma made spaghetti and meat sauce, salad and some corn. Salad first, corn second, then I ate the spaghetti. Was good and I didn't have too much. Skipped her pudding saying I was too full. lies. Then my aunt and cousin came over and my aunt and me talked about bikes and decided we would ride our bikes to the beach and back after we left. We went and it was a fun ride, also she bikes very fast so we kept up with and pushed each other. which was good. Met some of her friends at the beach and she bragged about me and all the weight I've lost. She said she could tell in my arms a lot cause I was wearing a short sleeve shirt. pshhh I can't tell. 20 lbs and I still see no difference :(

Oh today I weighed myself and.......169.6!!! I saw 160-something for the first time since freshman year of high school  I'm so excited and happy right now,  don't think I could've done it without everyone's loving support on here. You are all amazing. wanna try to get lower by Tuesday. Don't wanna go back to the 170's ever again.

Comments
@Dogsdontbite- The fact that you said I'm truly your favorite blog...that really touched my heart and I was so glad to hear. You really are too kind. :) I made sure to keep my promise and update soon especially for you. haha. And wow Lily Cole is beautiful, idk how I've never heard of her before. She has such a young looking and naturally beautiful face. Such a great model.
@ullalexie-Your faith in me getting into the 160's by Tuesday has been such an inspiration for me, to think I'm already there and should remain in the 160's when I weigh in Tuesday...It's just amazing. Thank you so much for believing in me. :)

Well it's late now. I wanna bike to get a coffee for breakfast tomorrow morning, so I'm off to bed now. This post was super long and so If any of you do read it. thanks for your patience and support. :)
<3 Toxic