500 cals (or less)
Day 2, I was freaking out earlier....but I'm ok now :) came home and was so hungry, and pizza just got out of the oven. I calculated 1 piece and it wouldn't put me over my limit so I ate it. All done. No more food for the rest of the day.
intake:469 cals
Healthy Choice soup- 180 cals
wheat toast, plain- 70 cals
1 slice cheese pizza- 219 cals
I hope my weight drops tomorrow morning, I have a horrible feeling that i'm retaining water weight, though idk cause I've been (tmi) peeing a lot today. We'll see tomorrow, the scale never lies. I need it to be lower so I feel more motivated, cause tomorrow is only 300 cals. Not that I can't do that, but idk...temptation just seems so...tempting. Hopefully I will wake up tomorrow and have a more focused perspective.
Had some diet pop and water, which I'm not going to count. It feels like cheating cause it was like 4 cals for the pop, but even with that I still stayed under 500.
Work at 10 tonight til 6am. Idk how I'm going to make it through. Coffee? Maybe...I hope I'm not too exhausted. After being at school all day then this...I won't faint though :) for sure. Maybe around day 25 I might, but not now. Oh and weight this morning was 154.2. yay!
Comments:
@Scarlett-I can't wait to see myself in 50 days :) I'm already losing so much.
Good luck, keep control. It is the greatest thing.
<3 Toxic
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
ABC Diet. Day 1
I love this diet. :) this is just what I need. I'm excited for the rest of it. I still am not 100% on doing all 50 days, but If I can make it past the 1st fast, which I'm determined to do, than that will be great. Anyways...about the first day.
Day 1, 500 cals (or less)
intake:415 cals.
2 Nature Valley Apple crisp bars- 160 cals
1 giant marshmallow- 90 cals
1 gram cracker- 65 cals
1 tbsp nutella- 100 cals
It was so nice, I didn't eat at all til 5:15. Had lots of water today too. I weighed myself before I went to work and omg lost since last week. CW:155.4 which was nice to see. :)
Day 1, 500 cals (or less)
intake:415 cals.
2 Nature Valley Apple crisp bars- 160 cals
1 giant marshmallow- 90 cals
1 gram cracker- 65 cals
1 tbsp nutella- 100 cals
It was so nice, I didn't eat at all til 5:15. Had lots of water today too. I weighed myself before I went to work and omg lost since last week. CW:155.4 which was nice to see. :)
So ya, that's me (now) can't wait to see myself at my GW...I'm so excited. If I do do the ABC for the full length, I will reach day 50 on December 14th, just in time for Christmas. Wow, I love having control. Let's pray I keep it. I must! I'm going to get some sleep now though, I need it for my long day tomorrow, school and work. At least I'll be too busy to eat.
<3 Toxic
Monday, October 24, 2011
25 Lbs, and 2 jean sizes.
I'm starting the ABC diet tomorrow. I can't believe it, I've wanted to for a while, but never thought I had the control for it. I really feel like I can do this though. At least for a while. I will take pics and update on my loss. I'm so excited. I just know i'm going to lose weight doing this. I want to lose at least 25 lbs and 2 jean sizes. Hopefully this will get me to enjoy restricting more, and maybe even slow or (I can only hope) stop my bingeing. I bought one of those black composition books and will write my intakes and exercise for each day. Putting quotes in it too. :) I'm gonna walk my dog soon, then probably head off to bed. No school or work tomorrow, so I plan to get plenty of sleep so I'm ready for my first day of the Ana Boot Camp. Wish me luck! :)
@americaneaglelove-I will post often, try to everyday. I'm actually excited to restrict, can't wait til I make it to that first fast day. :) I need to feel empty.
Well, I will post tomorrow with my starting stats, Thin here I come! :)
<3 Toxic
Couples thinspo, cause I keep thinkin about Chad. :) I had another one of those conversations about my eating with him last night before work. "It's ok babe, we'll get through this." "It's only a temporary fix, it's not you, we can beat this together." "I love you... I hate seeing you upset like this, you're amazing, you're so beautiful." his words on my bingeing, and trying to comfort me. I was so close to tears last night, and I DON'T cry. Not in front of people... but my god, I felt so bad...I've been B/P more and more, and when I told him I B/P the night before he said "It's ok babe, I mean when's the last time you've done it? A long time. It's been..." "A few days ago..." "Babe...." Wide eyed, he held me tighter in such loving arms. even though I'm doing such horrid, disgusting things to myself. I love him and this is why I must stop bingeing and stop purging. It's gross. I'm done. Yuck. Ana...embrace me with your perfection...
@americaneaglelove-I will post often, try to everyday. I'm actually excited to restrict, can't wait til I make it to that first fast day. :) I need to feel empty.
Well, I will post tomorrow with my starting stats, Thin here I come! :)
<3 Toxic
Couples thinspo, cause I keep thinkin about Chad. :) I had another one of those conversations about my eating with him last night before work. "It's ok babe, we'll get through this." "It's only a temporary fix, it's not you, we can beat this together." "I love you... I hate seeing you upset like this, you're amazing, you're so beautiful." his words on my bingeing, and trying to comfort me. I was so close to tears last night, and I DON'T cry. Not in front of people... but my god, I felt so bad...I've been B/P more and more, and when I told him I B/P the night before he said "It's ok babe, I mean when's the last time you've done it? A long time. It's been..." "A few days ago..." "Babe...." Wide eyed, he held me tighter in such loving arms. even though I'm doing such horrid, disgusting things to myself. I love him and this is why I must stop bingeing and stop purging. It's gross. I'm done. Yuck. Ana...embrace me with your perfection...
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Probably set myself back..... :(
So last night my sister had a Halloween party. All her soccer friends that are seniors came and I helped prepare for the party. I bought them glow sticks and made really yummy cupcakes. I ate So. Fucking. Much. I purged in the bathroom while all her friends, my friend Amber, and my mom and one of the soccer moms were here. No one heard :) and I wasn't too red in the face and eyes. Then I toke an anti-acid, drank water and diet Pepsi the rest of the night. I hung around with the girls for a while after then went to my room to relax cause I had a horrible headache.
I watched some episodes of the UK show on channel4 Supersize vs. Superskinny. I love this series. :)
Well I had to pee soo bad and left my room. Then stayed out and talked with everyone some more. Then for some ungodly reason, my fat stupid greedy ass thinks its ok to have some chips. Then a cupcake, then more chips, then 1 resses cup, then another cupcake, then more chips, and finally a 3rd cupcake. Fucking hate myself. So much. Seriously it's all I can think about right now.
All I've had so far today is water. Waiting for my Ipod to charge some more, then 2mi run.I have to burn so many cals before Tuesday if i'm going to be under 155. I hate myself. Why do I binge? Why is it so hard to stop eating once I start a binge? I need to stop bingeing.
"A problem? Yes, eating is definitely a problem. Got to stop eating." -Wasted, Marya Hornbacher
I will bike later today too. Also need to finish cleaning my room...It's messy. I hate messy.
Oh and comments. I feel so shitty for not saying anything on a comment left by Scarlett. So I will do that now :) (seriously though I'm a horrible blogger. It's a wonder any of you follow me. )
@Scarlett- Thank you so much. Your encouragement is really nice. :) I still can't believe I used to be a size 14...never again. Ever.
Well, time to run :) Everyone do well today ok? And if you do mess up, don't beat yourself up over it, learn from your mistakes and start again. Never give up. I know, You know, just how bad we want this. Get thin, stay thin.
<3 Toxic
I watched some episodes of the UK show on channel4 Supersize vs. Superskinny. I love this series. :)
Well I had to pee soo bad and left my room. Then stayed out and talked with everyone some more. Then for some ungodly reason, my fat stupid greedy ass thinks its ok to have some chips. Then a cupcake, then more chips, then 1 resses cup, then another cupcake, then more chips, and finally a 3rd cupcake. Fucking hate myself. So much. Seriously it's all I can think about right now.
All I've had so far today is water. Waiting for my Ipod to charge some more, then 2mi run.I have to burn so many cals before Tuesday if i'm going to be under 155. I hate myself. Why do I binge? Why is it so hard to stop eating once I start a binge? I need to stop bingeing.
"A problem? Yes, eating is definitely a problem. Got to stop eating." -Wasted, Marya Hornbacher
I will bike later today too. Also need to finish cleaning my room...It's messy. I hate messy.
Oh and comments. I feel so shitty for not saying anything on a comment left by Scarlett. So I will do that now :) (seriously though I'm a horrible blogger. It's a wonder any of you follow me. )
@Scarlett- Thank you so much. Your encouragement is really nice. :) I still can't believe I used to be a size 14...never again. Ever.
Well, time to run :) Everyone do well today ok? And if you do mess up, don't beat yourself up over it, learn from your mistakes and start again. Never give up. I know, You know, just how bad we want this. Get thin, stay thin.
<3 Toxic
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Fuck, Whatever.
I was in a pissy mood, my car sounds like shit right now and I need to get oil and gas before I can really drive it. I need a new car. Mine's about to hit 149K miles....and it hates me. Oh well. I was pissed cause my dad told me to go get oil for the car and when I started it, it sounded like shit so I just said fuck it and stayed home. He told me to wait for my mom to get home and have her take me. Really? Why can't you? So I got mad, came in and measured out a bowl of cereal and almond milk, ate it, was even more pissed. Then I sat and figured out my intake for the day.
Nature Valley apple crisp bar- 80cal
4 chicken nuggets- 176 cal
salad- 15 cal
dressing- 30 cal
mini kitkat- 70 cal
fruit cup- 35 cal
coffee cake- 190 cal
cereal + milk- 145
total= 741 cals.
not. too. bad. :) When I realized I stayed under my 800 limit for today I cheered up. Still a bit cheery now, but the idea of being stuck in a house of food... :'( Waiting for my mom to get home and gonna make her take me to the store then going to see Chad before she finishes dinner so I won't eat. Chad's mom made pork steaks and he's eating now, so I will miss dinner at his house too! :) good day in some ways I guess.
I think i'll finish cleaning my room til she gets here to stay out of the kitchen. Yeah, that sounds like a plan. :) I found my Ipod while cleaning, so now I can have music when I go run and ride my bike.
My intake yesterday was bad idk what it was numbers-wise, but it was very bad. Monday and Tuesday ended up being good and today was very good too. :) I should have lost more weight. :)
When I weighed Tuesday it said 156.6, not to bad, should be under 155 this coming up Tuesday. So I'm excited. So happy my scale works again. It needed new batteries and now its giving me the right weight again? Weird. I don't understand that thing. I will weigh tomorrow and see where i'm at so I can work extra hard over the weekend and lose more before Tuesday. I'm trying to only step on the scale twice a week. Tuesday to record my weight, and Friday to check it. Otherwise I go crazy when I barely change overnight.
Thinspo. Just a few sorry. :)
Nature Valley apple crisp bar- 80cal
4 chicken nuggets- 176 cal
salad- 15 cal
dressing- 30 cal
mini kitkat- 70 cal
fruit cup- 35 cal
coffee cake- 190 cal
cereal + milk- 145
total= 741 cals.
not. too. bad. :) When I realized I stayed under my 800 limit for today I cheered up. Still a bit cheery now, but the idea of being stuck in a house of food... :'( Waiting for my mom to get home and gonna make her take me to the store then going to see Chad before she finishes dinner so I won't eat. Chad's mom made pork steaks and he's eating now, so I will miss dinner at his house too! :) good day in some ways I guess.
I think i'll finish cleaning my room til she gets here to stay out of the kitchen. Yeah, that sounds like a plan. :) I found my Ipod while cleaning, so now I can have music when I go run and ride my bike.
My intake yesterday was bad idk what it was numbers-wise, but it was very bad. Monday and Tuesday ended up being good and today was very good too. :) I should have lost more weight. :)
When I weighed Tuesday it said 156.6, not to bad, should be under 155 this coming up Tuesday. So I'm excited. So happy my scale works again. It needed new batteries and now its giving me the right weight again? Weird. I don't understand that thing. I will weigh tomorrow and see where i'm at so I can work extra hard over the weekend and lose more before Tuesday. I'm trying to only step on the scale twice a week. Tuesday to record my weight, and Friday to check it. Otherwise I go crazy when I barely change overnight.
Thinspo. Just a few sorry. :)
I love the last one cause it says "keep calm and reach 115 by summer." 115 is my UGW and I wanna be there by then :) Not much more to say...
<3Toxic
Monday, October 17, 2011
Sorry...I think I got it now.
Hello everyone! Toxic is back :) Did you miss me? I did...I haven't felt like myself these past few weeks. I'm so happy to be back on track. My weight....idk what it is...scale is broke. FUCK! I hate it, but i'm sure I've lost. I went down another size. I'M AN 8 NOW! :) A single digit! I'm only two sizes away from a 4, three from a 2 and four from a zero! I was a 14 at my HW it's sooooo nice to fit in an 8, Really, it's amazing.
I'm sipping on some plain black coffee at school now, been awake since 5pm yesterday. Since then I've had:
1 scrambled egg 70cal
1 piece plain wheat toast 70cal
a bag of pretzel m&ms...(ugh!) 150cal
and a mini snickers (ugh!) 80cal
Candy is bad. It's 3:30 and I don't get done with school til 7 so :) I think i'll have some mickey mouse chicken nuggets when I get home...cause I just LOVE them...idk just they are so cute! I promise I will have no more than 6. A serving is 5...and thats 210 cals...so 252 cals most. Gonna try em with mustard. I love mustard right now... 0 cals! And sooooo good.
Went for a 2mi run this morning at 6am with my brother, he's home for Fall Break. It was so nice, gonna start running every morning I have class. So MWF, 2 miles :) sounds nice.
I have been purging more often....it's become a weekly thing. :( But I have a philosophy that I hope will stop the binge/purge cycle I sometimes find myself in...I have it written in my notebook for school.
I'm sipping on some plain black coffee at school now, been awake since 5pm yesterday. Since then I've had:
1 scrambled egg 70cal
1 piece plain wheat toast 70cal
a bag of pretzel m&ms...(ugh!) 150cal
and a mini snickers (ugh!) 80cal
Candy is bad. It's 3:30 and I don't get done with school til 7 so :) I think i'll have some mickey mouse chicken nuggets when I get home...cause I just LOVE them...idk just they are so cute! I promise I will have no more than 6. A serving is 5...and thats 210 cals...so 252 cals most. Gonna try em with mustard. I love mustard right now... 0 cals! And sooooo good.
Went for a 2mi run this morning at 6am with my brother, he's home for Fall Break. It was so nice, gonna start running every morning I have class. So MWF, 2 miles :) sounds nice.
I have been purging more often....it's become a weekly thing. :( But I have a philosophy that I hope will stop the binge/purge cycle I sometimes find myself in...I have it written in my notebook for school.
"If I take nothing in, I don't need to take anything out."
I'm also dropping all soda from my diet. None at all, even diet ones. I'm gonna stick with coffee, tea (only 0 cal ones) and lovely lovely water.
OMG I got the scariest, creepiest, most lovely fortune in a fortune cookie the other day,It made me happy, maybe it is trying to tell me I can really do this this time. :) It said something like (Can't remember exactly...) "You aim for perfection, and won't stop until you achieve it." I'll double check the exact wording when I get home.
Thinspo!!!!!!! Some nice Fall ones...I wish I was this cute in a sweater.
Ok, I have to go to my Food and Nutrition class now. Glad to be back, :) gonna comment on all your lovely bloges tonight.
<3 Toxic
Monday, October 3, 2011
Break.
Taking a short break from blogger. I know, haven't really posted at all lately. To everyone who follows, sorry. Trying to get my life together...well at least a little. I promise to post in the next 3 weeks.
<3 and miss everyone
Toxic
<3 and miss everyone
Toxic
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