Inspired.

Today just feels like a good day to do good. It's 4pm and all I ate so far was some Chinese take out earlier. I actually feel quite full at the moment and am in a very good mood. I've been talking to him again :) Me and my bro went for a run yesterday and as we were heading home he passed me in the car with his mom and waved at me, then talked to me later that night :)

I kinda hit a plateau...I've been stuck around 178 for a while...so I need to do what I can to get over this. I'm gonna head out on my bike soon, maybe a walk with my sis as well. I just need to purge my body of these cals I toke in, then I will feel even better.

Oh, so I started watching Skins for the first time. I love that show, it's great. If you haven't seen it yet, check it out. (It's streaming on Netflix.)

Um...I don't have much else to say except that school is almost done. I can't wait for summer break. Then I can really focus on my weight loss goals and push myself to and past my limits.

Comments:
@Lottie-Ya I tried those noodles with spaghetti sauce and had a 80 cal spaghetti dinner! It tasted soooo good too. I felt full afterwards also! I need to go and buy more. Still love your blog btw. Stay strong!

This is such a short post :) gonna go on my bike now.
<3 Toxic

Back.

Well it's Tuesday, I'm back, and have a whole new attitude this week. I haven't posted in a while...though I still have been reading your blogs. They always seem to cheer me up. :)

So last time I was extremely upset about my weight... I went from 176.8 to....179.6!!! almost a 3 lb increase in just one week. :'( Things are changing again for the better though. Today I weighed my self and am going down again. My CW is 177.8. Still more than 175, but I've been so active today and will continue all the rest of the week. I want to change. I want to be better. My goal is to go down to 175 this week. thats dropping 2.8 lbs. I know I can do that if I continue at this rate.

To my fellow bloggers:
@Lottie- I remember you talking about those miracle noodles...and I mentioned Shirataki noodles which are almost the same thing. I'm going shopping this weekend at a Japanese market and will buy some. (I'm so excited for noodles haha) but I will tell you how they are. Thank you so much for your comment on my last post. "The number on the scales can be changed." This really motivated me the past 2 weeks, for us I see it as not only can they change, THEY WILL. I know we can do this and we will do this. I have faith in our weight loss :)

@brokentears- I was really motivated by your comment too. I went shopping Wednesday with my friend and she was buying jeans. They had a table of jean shorts for $12.99 so I thought wth i'll try on an 11 (I'm size 13) and when they don't fit it will make me upset and not eat for the rest of the day. But I tried them and to my surprise...THEY FIT! not even tight! I came out of the fitting room so happy and bought 2 pairs. I probably won't wear them but still, I went down a size!!! This weekend I will go to American Eagle and try on their jeans, if they fit, its official, I went down. (I only count size changes in their jeans, cause those are the ones I always wear.)

So things are turning around. I WILL lose weight. I WILL be under 170 by the end of the month. I need to look good for my bikini this summer.

<3 you all so much. Thanks for the support, motivation, and kindness.
Toxic

Lindsay Lohan!!!

This last one is my current desktop background. I love it.

 (no one else sees my comp. so I don't have to worry bout having thinspo on it.)

I'm just.....not happy.

So today has been a horrible day since I rolled out of bed at 8:30. I weighted myself and am so upset/furious/sad/pissed/unhappy/want to stab my self in the stomach til there is no more fat. Ya, it's been a bad day. So after seeing my weight, i worked out hardcore. Then had a small bowl of strawberry corn flakes, went to work. Where I was so upset and thought about my weight all day. When I got home at 7 I made dinner, spaghetti. It was good, but I ate much more than I should cause I was so depressed and just didn't give a fuck. The moment I saw my empty plate however, I wanted to scream. It was like a nightmare. but real. Then I sat around and watched TV. After that I went in my room and worked out again. Plus i've had a splitting headache since I got to work. So ya, sad depressing day.
Now i'm on facebook and he's on. So I start a convo, and he just gives short shitty answers to my questions. I feel like he hates me. It would make sense...I'm not worth his time. I just wish I could fall asleep and this weight be gone and then he could love me...but life isn't that simple.

Went shopping yesterday, it made me want to cry. I walked into pacsun to get some sunglasses and soon as I walk in i see these cute shorts and tanks. I can't wear them though...I would look stupid cause I'm so fat. I need to lose weight so that rather than stare longingly at the new, cute, tiny swimsuits I could...you know buy one and not be afraid to wear it.

I need something to cheer me up.
THINSPO!!!

These last ones are all the Egg fashion magazine model Nemoyayo. Shes so cute.

Ok so thats all the thinspo I have left saved to my comp. I need to add more. I will. 

Sorry for not posting my weight. I will post it next Tuesday instead. When I have gotten rid of the weight I just added to my waist :( I feel so fat. I seriously hate myself right now... I just can't share my new weight. I HATE HATE HATE this...It has set me back. But my goals will be reached!

Thanks for following 

<3Toxic

Big Isnt Beautiful

I love this song. It's so fun, and really true.

Anyways, the other day when I said i'd stay under 500...well I didn't :( i was at 412 until I woke up from a nap and ate a plate of cheesy tuna pasta and some apple juice which put me at around 902 :( I feel so bad for that...

And yesterday wasn't any better, I didn't really keep track, but I ate a lot later in the day, then went out to eat with my friend who I don't see so often anymore...I had some mexican food. Didn't work out either. Which I HATE myself for. How could I do this after working so hard...It's like I hit a laziness wall and can't move!

Today is certainly a new day.  I ate a tiny cheese cube and a bowl of cornflake and strawberry cereal I havn't calculated it yet, but i'd say i'm under 200 cals for sure. I will figure it out though. (Its driving me crazy not knowing.) Then I went for a long walk with my dog, and soon as I came home started working out in my room. I did well over 100 jumping jacks, but lost count a lot so kept starting over and a lot of stretching and worked out my legs and arms. Now i'm super tired. I have to work soon, but when I come home I will prob do some dance and go for a 2 mi. walk/run. I NEED to work out. These past couple days have killed me and possibly set me back from my goal :'( I WANT TO BE THIN!!!

This week of school is going to kill me. Friday I have to give a speech, and I don't even have a topic yet..also have to write my first draft for my next English paper, again I still don't have a topic for that either. A math quiz Friday too. I need to go talk to my History prof. about my paper for his class too. Ugh! I'm gonna be so stressed and busy!

Skinny is sexy and big isn't beautiful.
<3 Toxic

Good Morning!

So I couldn't sleep after I finished my homework. So I just stayed up all night :) it's still early in the a.m., I toke my shower and started working out a bit. I want to get all dressed and ready for school and take my dog on a walk before I leave. I don't wanna eat until break at school which is at 10. I don't plan to eat til then, but will have some black coffee before class. Otherwise I fear I will fall asleep. :(

So I will continue to work out for now. Listening to some hardcore music from the clubland extreme hardcore 6 album. It is really getting me pumped!

I want to do everything I can to make this a good day. That means a lot of working out, walk my dog, and a run later. Also I will do my best to be around or under 500 cals today. I really have faith in myself right now, maybe my lack of sleep is making me crazy haha. Oh and I plan to go to the mall after classes are done today. I need some cute new accessories for spring/summer. Sunglasses, sandals, and maybe a new bag.

Best of luck to everyone! Lets all make our goals!
<3 Toxic

Almost....

Well I weighted myself yesterday...176.8. I wanted to be under 175 this week, but since I am down another 1.2 lbs. There is still hope. I will try for a target loss of 2.8 lbs this week so I will be 174. I'm happy to see I am still losing more and more. The day I can strut around in a bikini weighing 125 lbs and referred to as skinny and cute and tiny, I will be happy. Right now I'm just....content.

So I have a new person who is a great inspiration to me. She is in my speech class and just the prettiest girl ever. She's short and I would honestly be shocked if she weighs more than 100 lbs. I notice she always has a water bottle with her...Her hair is blonde and she always wears the cutest outfits. All the guys think shes just the hottest thing, and she is always so nice to everyone. I wish I could be like her.

Oh and I am ADDICTED to Vogue now. I bought this months issue and will probably continue to buy it. There's a lot of thinspiration in there, and I love the fashion. If only I could wear it....

So here's some thinspo. I kinda followed a rock theme this time....

To everyone who follows Thank you :) and thanks for the comments and support. To Bella, Lottie x, and Thin is Everything, I really appreciate the comments on my last 2 posts :) It's nice to have support when things get hard, and to know I can inspire others just means a lot to me.

Thank you and keep following,
<3 Toxic

I am safe, I am strong.

Well I toke the evil ice-cream in my room and guess what?! I didn't take a SINGLE bite :D I am so happy with myself. I went in my room, turned on some Ke$ha, and started to clean my room at hyper speed. It's about half-way done now. I am moving furniture and vacuuming behind it, wiping down and dusting everything. I keep moving and moving things. (To stay busy.)I finished my water bottle. I am so happy I chose to not eat that. It was hard, but I knew if I toke even one bite it would all go downhill, so I set it on my desk and...I actually forgot about it! haha. I threw it in my trash and changed my trash bag so my mom wouldn't find it.

See, we ALL can say no to yucky fattening ice-cream. We just have to believe and find a way to "forget"and get rid of it. No more food for the rest of the night, just water and diet cal free snapple. :)

Once on the lips, forever on the hips. (and that ice-cream WILL NOT be on mine, thats for damn sure.)
<3 Toxic