Goals.

It's Tuesday again. My weight is down to 178.0 so i'm down another 2.2 lbs :) this makes me happy. AND, i'm in the 170's!!! I'm excited for my weight loss. I did however go out to eat last night with my family, and we went to one of my favorite sit down restaurants, this Mexican one, and I ate...a lot. I actually hurt after eating. I have done well today and though I didn't count my cals today, I would say it was under 700. :) The weather here is absolutely amazing now, and I wanna go run tomorrow. I'm going to get my brother to go with cause he runs every single day, and knows a lot about proper stretching, breathing, ect. I also plan to stay under 700 cals, maybe try to eat only 500 or less...we'll see.

Me and that guy I've been seeing are now quite close, and I found out he likes me too, (we made out and he tried to go farther, but I don't want him to see my disgusting body). We have been together a lot these past few days, and I was at his house until 3am last night. I cried uncontrollably when I got home however. I want to be in a relationship with him but he says he doesn't want that. It made me feel like i'm not good enough and worthless. Which I know I am and that's why he doesn't want to be with me :( My mom and close friend who I talked to say he will change and it's just because so much has gone on in his life recently, with his dad dying and all that. I just know it's not him, it's me. I'm fat, ugly, stupid, annoying, immature, needy, and worthless. I am nothing, a waste of time. I wish I was loved.

I just remembered, I left my ana bracelet at his house...I started wearing one to remind myself that I'm not alone, and I can be strong and fight food with everyone else. Mine is just a simple red string. Well he asked me "Why do you have that dumb red string on your wrist again?" So I said "I don't know I meant to take it off" and toke it off right there so he wouldn't be suspicious.

If I could just get under 170 lbs by the end of the month...I'd feel better. So much better. But even at 169.9 I will still be so fat and disgusting. I don't think I will ever be worth anything. If only...
Thanks for following,
<3 Toxic